How do you differentiate between pride in who you are, stupidity, ignorance, or speaking just to hear your own voice?
I have been in several meetings recently related to safety and security of our synagogue. The conversation in safety discussions revolves around how we are living in a different world today than eighty years ago when the building was built. When our facility was built, there were several entrances adjacent to parking lots, the classrooms had one way glass so you could see in but not out, and classroom doors were locked from the exterior and not the interior. Today, all of this is viewed as a risk. There is a mantra of the world has changed running throughout each session.
There was a different meeting at which we discussed policies and rules for outdoor signage. Amid comments about size, display, permeance was this statement: “We need to recognize we are not Second Pres(byterian) down the street…. why would we call attention to ourselves?”
Several years ago, when fighting erupted in the Middle East, a banner was displayed, “We stand with Israel.” This banner appeared in synagogues and organizations all over the country. One person called the clergy and shared, “Have you see the banner? I’m afraid to come to services with that hanging on the street.”
Each conversation evoked a sharp pain in my stomach. Why be afraid? Why not be proud and stand up for what you believe? For decades, I have actively taught classes with a message of the importance of having a belief and being proud to share that belief – regardless of who, what or when it is in history.
I understand a generational fear that stems from World War II and the Holocaust. As a middle schooler, I had a Social Studies teacher during a class on Greek and Roman cultures explain how the Jews had killed Christ. When my parents and I brought this (not quietly) to the attention of the principal, his response was the teacher was accurate, but the setting was inappropriate. The flight or fright response kicks in and often flight wins.
A summer of Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ marches, rallies against guns, and marches for life against school violence has only reinforced my internal voice to exclaim stand for what you believe. The idea all people should be proud and not hide our beliefs – hiding is antithetical to who I am.
If every action creates a reaction, at what point do you hide for personal safety? Is the act of hiding not being true to yourself?
I do believe this is generational. When I was young, I simply was more idealistic. I also had less to lose by standing for my beliefs. As I age, each decision carries greater weight. Many professional work decisions were made out of fear – fear of loss, fear of denial, fear of loss of funds, fear of being on the ‘outside’ rather than the ‘inside.’ When a decision was based on beliefs, based on wanting to do what is right, or my view of my role, I have always felt good but recognize there would or could be a cost to pay. Like everyone else, the measure of what is right to me versus what would have the lease cost is a scale I try to avoid.
I would like to think of myself as someone principled and willing to always stand for my beliefs. I also know if the cost is too great, my actions will succumb to the potential loss. Introspection tells me I am willing to take far greater risks in my personal life than when it comes to my financial life. There is no pride in this understanding; it’s reality.
The sharp pain resulting from “We need to recognize we are not Second Pres(byterian) down the street…. why would we call attention to ourselves?” is recognition of my strength and weakness. It is also a realization that as I have retired and feel secure through the end of life, the scales are changing.
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